Laagr

I am not giving my name to a machine!

You Brought Two Too Many

The opening scene from Sergio Leone’s classic western “Once Upon a Time in the West.”

This is the scene I made a reference to in a tweet earlier today. Shortly after I posted it, I started monitoring my page on favstar.fm, and to great befuddlement, it didn’t fare as well as I anticipated. E.g. it should have been on the favstar leaderboard—about to leave the fave-10-tier, and about to enter the fave-50-tier—but as I write this, it hasn’t received a single star.

Which leaves me with only one question: what is wrong with you people?

By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself. Just a little thought. I’m just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day, they’ll take root. I don’t know. You try. You do what you can. Kill yourself.

Seriously, though. If you are, do. No, really. There’s no rationalisation for what you do, and you are Satan’s little helpers, okay? Kill yourself. Seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good, seriously. No, this is not a joke, if you’re going: “There’s going to be a joke coming.” There’s no fucking joke coming. You are Satan’s spawn, filling the world with bile and garbage. You are fucked, and you are fucking us. Kill yourself, it’s the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself. Planting seeds.

I know all the marketing people are going: “He’s doing a joke.” There’s no joke here whatsoever. Suck a tail-pipe, fucking hang yourself, borrow a gun from a Yank friend – I don’t care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil fucking machinations. I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too. “Oh, you know what Bill’s doing? He’s going for that anti-marketing dollar. That’s a good market, he’s very smart.” Oh man. I am not doing that, you fucking evil scumbags! “Oh, you know what Bill’s doing now? He’s going for the righteous indignation dollar. That’s a big dollar. Lot of people are feeling that indignation, we’ve done research. Huge market. He’s doing a good thing.” God damn it, I’m not doing that, you scumbags. Quit putting a goddamn dollar sign on every fucking thing on this planet! “Oh, the anger dollar. Huge. Huge in times of recession. Giant market, Bill’s very bright to do that.” God, I’m just caught in a fucking web. “Oh, the trapped dollar. Big dollar, huge dollar. Good market, look at our research. We see that many people feel trapped. If we play to that and then separate them into the trapped dollar …” How do you live like that? And I bet you sleep like fucking babies at night, don’t you? “What did you do today, honey?” “Oh, we made arsenic childhood food. Now, good night. Yeah, we just said, you know, is your baby really too loud? You know … yeah, the mums will love it, yeah.” Sleep like fucking children, don’t you? This is your world, isn’t it?

Bill Hicks, on marketing

He said this back in the 90s, long before the world wide web had its breakthrough, and the commercial interests that naturally followed trashed the place with dreadful ad-networks. If he were alive today, I’m sure he would be pissed.

Bill Hicks, another dead hero.

David Lynch on His Coffee Business

  • Evan Smith: The other thing I understand you have, that has just gone online, or about to, is the coffee business.
  • David Lynch: coffee…I drink a lot of coffee.
  • Evan Smith: really?
  • David Lynch: yeah, and…so someone I’m working with said “You know, you should have your own line of coffee”, and…so one thing let to another…and so there it is; David Lynch Signature Cup of Coffee.
  • Evan Smith: Please tell me that you thought immediately—and discarded immediately—calling it “Damn good coffee”.
  • David Lynch: Discarded?…I didn’t even think it, it was so bad an idea—But it is damn good coffee, and there is ideas in every bean.
  • Evan Smith: Is that how it is? oh boy, oh boy!

From a Texas Monthly Talks interview with David Lynch.

“When You Don’t Have Anything Anyone Would Want to Favorite to Say, Don’t Say Anything at All”

John Moltz’s mother is a very wise woman.

“When You Don’t Have Anything Anyone Would Want to Favorite to Say, Don’t Say Anything at All”

John Moltz’s mother is a very wise woman.

Telstar cover by Fluff Tadpole

Further exploration of the realm that is awesome. This Telstar cover (originally by The Tornados) features ukuleles and an equally interesting instrument called a stylophone.

If you have been searching for that one thing that would make my head explode with glee, you should look no further—This is it!

Telstar by The Tornadoes

An exhibition of pure awesomeness.

“Well worth defacing $20.00”

— @thejohnblog

Well played, sir, well played.

“Well worth defacing $20.00”

— @thejohnblog

Well played, sir, well played.

Typographic ‘taches

Left to right: Freddie Mercury, Tom Selleck and Hulk Hogan.

Ryan Dixon, a member of Creative Review, has made a series of posters (3 posters so far), depicting famous mustaches using various typographic symbols, such as brackets, curly brackets, and parentheses.

Via We Love Typography.

Typographic ‘taches

Left to right: Freddie Mercury, Tom Selleck and Hulk Hogan.

Ryan Dixon, a member of Creative Review, has made a series of posters (3 posters so far), depicting famous mustaches using various typographic symbols, such as brackets, curly brackets, and parentheses.

Via We Love Typography.

As I said on my twitter-feed yesterday (#4843050616); always, always wear pants when taking photos of shiny objects. Click the image for more examples.

A word of warning: If you do click the image, you will see shiny objects…and reflections of male genitalia.

As I said on my twitter-feed yesterday (#4843050616); always, always wear pants when taking photos of shiny objects. Click the image for more examples.

A word of warning: If you do click the image, you will see shiny objects…and reflections of male genitalia.

Bat-ta-ray!

van Canto, a German a cappella group, has made this cover of Metallica’s 1986 classic ‘Battery.’

Needless to say, this one made me laugh so hard it made my stomach hurt.